Why and How to Master the Art of Becoming Resilient

I am glad to see an article in The Atlantic titled The Benefits of Optimism Are Real summarizing recent research studies indicating that “resilient people are good at transforming negative feelings into positive ones.”  Resilient people excelled at bouncing back from stressful experiences, thanks to their emotional complexity and ability to involve a wider range of emotions, such that “high levels of positive emotions exist side-by-side with negative emotions.”  Resilient, optimistic people worry less, let go of negativity more readily, and more consistently shift their attention to the positive.

We find examples of adopting a resilient, positive attitude in the movies Life of Pi and Silver Linings Playbook, both of which include examples of adopting or moving into a position of greater emotional resilience, complexity, and optimism–without being delusional Pollyannas.  The main characters in both stories chose to focus on appreciating the blessings in their lives, while doing whatever (seemingly small things) they were able to do while facing challenging situations, instead of choosing to obsess on what’s unfair or upsetting.

Venting Doesn’t Help

You may have heard advice from people–including some experts–stating that it’s helpful to express your anger and anxiety in order to feel happier.  And you might notice some friends or family members who take every opportunity to describe what’s been troublesome for them recently in their lives.  Yet researchers are finding that any such rumination on worries, doubts, and fears tends to lead people who are already feeling depressed to become significantly more depressed (and for a longer period of time) than distracting oneself with something that’s either neutral or mostly positive.  One study even found that even venting by hitting a punching bag or being vengeful toward someone who makes you feel angry leads people to feel far worse, rather than better–and even doing nothing is better than venting in such ways.

Positive Emotions Heal

Researchers have found that positive emotions have a healing quality that have the power to reverse detrimental effects of stressful negative experiences.  Resilient people view unpleasant, stressful situations as challenges and opportunities for growth, rather than as threats–even when they are specifically directed to view challenges as threats.

Find Meaning:  Look for Ways to Improve

For the absolutely best results when finding oneself in difficult circumstances, we do well to ‘take lemons and make lemonade’–by seeking out a positive, productive goal to work toward.  People who find some kind of meaning amidst adversity by looking more deeply inside themselves to see what they can learn and how they can improve have also been found to experience health benefits above and beyond those who merely vent about hardships enjoy.

Master the Art of Becoming Resilient

We can create a positive upward spiral of good energy regardless what circumstances come our way, and regardless what is happening that is outside of our personal control.  We can learn to become more resilient by becoming aware of some positive steps for facing difficult situations:

(1) Recognize difficult situations as opportunities
As soon as grumbling, venting, and complaining begins, recognize that an opportunity has surely arrived, and also that this is the step we move as quickly as possible through for best results

(2) Describe why one of your most winning qualities is important
Regain emotional resilience in the face of any kind of rejection you might be feeling by identifying one of your most winning qualities, and then describing in detail (several sentences worth) why this quality is so important

(3) Set attainable yet challenging goals
Choose new goals that you know you can achieve, and you know will be good for you to achieve that now come to mind as you face difficult situations that you can now view as opportunities.

(4) Keep asking “How good can it get?!”
Regardless what is happening, maintain your commitment to keep moving ever onward and upward, by keeping the focus of your imagination and daydreams ever and always in the most positive possible directions.

 

You can watch the companion video to this blog post at:

 

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Cynthia Sue Larson is the best-selling author of six books, including Quantum Jumps. Cynthia has a degree in Physics from UC Berkeley, and discusses consciousness and quantum physics on numerous shows including the History Channel, Gaia TV, Coast to Coast AM, the BBC and One World with Deepak Chopra and on the Living the Quantum Dream show she hosts. You can subscribe to Cynthia’s free monthly ezine at: http://www.RealityShifters.com

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Practice Compassion in a Chaotic World with NVC

Thanks to the internet and all our various portable, interconnected devices, we can now be in nearly constant communication with people near and far.  Such communication can be nurturing, empowering and inspirational–but at times it can also feel like being part of a disfunctional, dissociated family with all manner of divisions, schisms, and negative emotions swirling around.  The resulting severed relationships can erupt in many types of violence, sometimes with truly heartbreaking results.

One of the ways we can experience more positive attributes of our newfound interconnectedness and fewer unpleasant aspects is by practicing and embodying compassion in our daily lives with everyone we converse with.  With each of us doing the best we personally can to envision and take steps into creating a more compassionate, nonviolent world, this dream can become a reality.

How can we achieve such a dream, you may ask?  Fortunately, there are tools we can learn to use to bring nonviolent communication (NVC), also called compassionate communication or collaborative communication, into our lives.  Marshall Rosenberg formed NVC theory based on the foundational idea that we all are capable of expressing compassion, and that we learn habits of thinking and speaking and behaving based on what we learn in our families, social groups, and culture.  NVC theory describes that conflicts arise when peoples various strategies for how they meet their various needs clash with one another–and NVC then provides tools by which people can identify shared needs and collaborate to create ways to meet those needs.  NVC thus can facilitate harmony and learning how to create future cooperation on levels of self, self-with-others, and within social systems and groups.

Non Violent Communication (NVC)

Since it was first developed in the 1960s, Nonviolent communication has proven tremendously helpful in reducing conflict within individuals, within families, within organizations and between warring countries and in conflict zones.

NVC was first formally taught in 1972 with a model based on three steps that included:  observations, feelings, and action-oriented wants.  By 1992, an fourth aspect was included, so NVC now includes:  observations, feelings, needs, and requests.  The most recent evolution of the NVC model places more emphasis on this model being a process, where primary focus and emphasis is placed on an NVC practitioner’s intentions when communicating, rather than the four steps themselves.  Through such shifted emphasis on intentions, the focus becomes more about fostering meaningful relationships, rather than just getting what one wants–and on extending heartfelt, respectful attentiveness to others, rather than thinking about what one will say in response.  Keeping in mind that the four steps are meant to provide a guideline, and that the main key is to embody the qualities of compassion in oneself, while either clearly expressing how you are without blaming or criticizing or empathically receiving how another person is without hearing blame or criticism, here they are:

(1) Observations

State what you directly observe that seems counter to your wellbeing (and empathically receive what another shares that they directly observe):  “When I (see / hear) … ”

2) Feelings

State how you feel (emotions and sensations–not thoughts) in relation to what’s observed (and empathically receive what another shares that they feel):  ” … I feel … ”

(3) Needs

State what you need or value (not a preference or action) that generates your feelings (and empathically receive what another needs and values):  “… because I need/value …”

(4) Requests

Clearly request what concrete actions you’d like taken, without demanding (and empathically receive what actions another would like taken):  “Would you be willing to … ?”

NVC in the Internet Age

At this time when face-to-face interactions now represent an ever-declining percentage of the time we spend interacting with others, we face a challenge of how to develop inner peace within ourselves and then effectively share that peace with the rest of the world.  When we remember that written words can carry inadvertent emotional “tones,” we can do a better job of making an extra effort to indicate, for example, that we intend a certain remark to be humorous, rather than taken offensively as a sarcastically negative, or snarky, remark.

When it comes to internet and social media communications, it’s not so important to stress about whether or not you did or said something right–but the main thing to focus on is practicing ever-deepening compassion with yourself, and with others.  Yes, this can be viewed as a form of spiritual practice, or of self-improvement.  While every sentient being has some knowledge of itself, the greatest heights of consciousness and self-consciousness come from self-reflection.  Such self-reflection starts with awareness of that which one may be less than proud–yet inevitably leads past those ‘darker’ areas into the light.

It may help to know you’re not alone in adopting a more compassionate way of living with yourself, with others, and with the world; there is a growing community of those of us dedicated toward living within ourselves in a state of unconditional love, and doing our best to share this expansive unconditional love with everyone in our lives.

You can watch the companion video to this blog post at:

 

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Cynthia Sue Larson is the best-selling author of six books, including Quantum Jumps. Cynthia has a degree in Physics from UC Berkeley, and discusses consciousness and quantum physics on numerous shows including the History Channel, Gaia TV, Coast to Coast AM, the BBC and One World with Deepak Chopra and on the Living the Quantum Dream show she hosts. You can subscribe to Cynthia’s free monthly ezine at: http://www.RealityShifters.com

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Change Your Story, Change Your Life

Learn how you can change the background stories running through your mind.

Have you ever listened to a friend or family member introducing themselves to someone they’ve just met, and noticed how they often say the same things at each introduction? Such introduction stories are one way we can catch a glimpse of what’s usually happening unobserved inside ourselves. It’s understandable to hear someone describing themselves as a “Hurricane Sandy survivor,” or a “California firestorm survivor,” since this is a quick way to bring people current with a general sense of some of the challenges they’ve recently faced.

Stories become much more than “just stories” when they play a constant and active role in our lives. We tell ourselves and others who we are, what motivates us, how we arrived where we are today, and what kinds of challenges we face in the stories we live by. Author Thomas King points out “There are no truths, only stories.” These stories need not stay stuck in one particular type of archetypal plot type, but can be changed in ways that benefit our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health.

As it turns out, stories are far from passive, inert influences in our lives; they can be every bit as dangerous as they are healing. Author Lewis Mehl-Madrona and his wife Barbara Mainguy share insights for transforming stories from their professional practices in osteopathic medicine and psychotherapy in Remapping Your Mind, with strong support from recent scientific research to explain how and why story therapy can work. Research explaining how the Default Mode Network (DMN) describes activities in the brain region responsible for running the background activity constantly running in our minds. Scientific studies investigating the remarkable efficacy of the Placebo Effect provide insights as to how the stories people tell influence mind-body-spirit health and wellbeing.

Remapping Your Mind provides us with a road map by which we view the inner landscape of our collective minds as the territory of stories we live by. While the case studies and scientific research are quite convincing, I am already aware that the methods described in Remapping Your Mind are effective–because this method is one I have found to be quite reliable when assisting my life coaching clients over the past sixteen years. I have witnessed the same kind of remarkable transformations in peoples’ lives as described in this book, in which people find profound insights in discovering their story, and as they become facile in changing the landscape of the significance and meaning of events and characters in their lives.

There is a kind of magic that occurs when people move out of feeling victimized into a bigger world of more positive possibility, and Remapping Your Mind provides a trusty guide to start this transformation right away.Whether or not you can wrap your mind around the transformative healing power of stories, and even if you don’t yet know what your stories are, Remapping Your Mind will likely be one of your most treasured reference books.

As Thomas King once pointed out, “The truth about stories is that that’s all we are.” How wonderful that we have a very big say in how we tell the stories of our lives! I highly recommend Remapping Your Mind for anyone interested in self transformation.

 

You can watch the video edition of this post on YouTube at: http://youtu.be/kYKsL-7yNH4

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Cynthia Sue Larson is the best-selling author of six books, including Quantum Jumps. Cynthia has a degree in Physics from UC Berkeley, and discusses consciousness and quantum physics on numerous shows including the History Channel, Coast to Coast AM, the BBC and One World with Deepak Chopra. You can subscribe to Cynthia’s free monthly ezine at: http://www.RealityShifters.com

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Ten Books that Can Save the World

Looking for the perfect gift to give the person who has everything, and want to help save the world in the process? Here are ten books capable of revolutionizing the way we think, speak, and live our daily lives… which as these books will often further explain gives you the power to change (and save) the world. These books have been selected for being every bit as fun to read as they are transformative. Every book on this list contains big ideas that transform us as we read them by reminding us of our true nature–which is far more than any of our characteristics such as: gender, job title, or role in our family or community. As we embody our fullest sense of inspiration while reading these books, the reading experience becomes extraordinary… and the most amazing, miraculous events can occur!

The Conscious Universe, by Dean Radin, explores the scientific truth of metaphysical phenomenon. Radin demonstrates the truth of psi by summarizing both his own personal experiences conducting scientific research in these areas at Princeton, Stanford Research Institute, the US government, and some of the world’s top companies including Sony and Contel. This book is a delight to read for anyone who knows that reality isn’t what it seems to be… or who is willing to take a very honest look at the nature of reality in all its wildest glory. Radin excels at presenting memorable stories along with his clear, concise, and comprehensible statistics in such a way that one feels compelled to either accept or reject his findings and the implications they suggest. This is an excellent book for reading when you’re ready to do your own thinking… and change the way you view the world.

Michael Talbot’s The Holographic Universe explores the notion that the universe may be a giant hologram–quite literally a kind of image or construct created at least in part by the human mind. Talbot begins his book with an excellent introduction to physicist David Bohm’s concept of the holographic model of the universe, and combines the physics model with Karl Pribram’s work on the holographic model of the brain. The result is a marvelous description of a non-local, interconnected and alive universe that moves in response to our every thought and feeling. I am very impressed with the clarity with which Talbot presents the concept of a holographic universe and how various paranormal phenomena can be explained within that model. Talbot’s discussion is comprehensive, fascinating, clear, and packed with relevant and intriguing stories of paranormal phenomena.

Bruce Lipton’s extraordinary book, The Biology of Belief is destined to revolutionize the way we think about the effects our thoughts have on our bodies at the cellular level. Lipton writes with enthusiasm, warmth and passion about the role of the environment in regulating gene activity, with the authority of having had decades of published scientific papers which pre-date the official start of the brand new scientific field of epigenetics. Lipton really shines when describing the relevance of cutting-edge scientific findings to our daily lives. Lipton writes with such sparkling, down-to-Earth words that it’s a real pleasure to take them fully and deeply to heart. And when we do, we can feel glad that the world will no longer be the same.

When we hear the term “green” or “environmentally conscious”, chances are we don’t hear words like “fun” or “exciting,” yet these are exactly the words that come to mind when reading environmental innovator Carolyn North’s new book, Serious Fun: Ingenious Improvisations on Money, Food, Waste, Water and Home. This book is perfect for anyone seriously interested in finding creative ways to live more lightly on the Earth, or making steps toward getting “off the grid.” With chapters devoted to essential daily needs to dispose of waste and collect water, Serious Fun provides practical ideas for getting serious about healing our relationship with the Earth. Serious Fun is a glorious invitation to each of us to feel more deeply satisfied and fulfilled as we make small, yet profoundly meaningful changes in our daily lives.

One of the most powerful ideas in Lynne McTaggart’s book, The Bond, has to do with ways we learn to pay attention, and how learning to pay attention to more than we have previously noticed can make a profound difference. McTaggart explains, “When you notice the whole, you allow for and respect more than one version of reality.” While opposing ideologies sometimes find little to agree upon, the very idea that there exists a greater wholeness brings healing. The Bond is packed with inspirational ideas and practical tips for anyone interested in finding out how to live their best possible life feeling supported by bonds of connection, rather than struggling in competitive isolation. It’s inspiring to learn that one simple thing we can do to improve our physical health is to become a member of a close-knit group or community; and a simple way to reduce depression and loneliness is to actively help others.

In Creating Miracles, I love the way Carolyn Miller tells real-life stories of miraculous occurrences with the thoughts and feelings of the people experiencing the miracles. Miller captures the emotional spark and personality of those involved, and gives us a front-row seat as miracles unfold. Many of these stories describe people who survived accidents and escaped assaults in situations where they easily might have died or been seriously injured instead. Miller explains how changes in people’s thinking leads to changes in the circumstances in their lives, even when the situation appears to be hopeless. Miller points out some simple steps each of us can take to live more miraculous lives, and she explains them so clearly that it’s easy to do!

Modestly and without trumpets or fanfare, Lynne Forrest has created a masterpiece in Beyond Victim Consciousness that illuminates and elucidates hidden energies behind the roles people play in the ‘victim triangle.’ Many of us have subconsciously adopted roles of victim, rescuer, or persecutor from dysfunctional family role models and examples earlier in our lives, but Forrest assures us that it’s never too late to find the way out of ‘victim triangle’ patterns. Forrest excels at showing us how most people are caught up in victim consciousness, which she defines as the “habit of thinking something outside of us is responsible for our happiness or unhappiness.” The elegant simplicity of this observation is the foundation of the transformation Forrest prescribes, moving us into observer consciousness, “a personal state of awareness that allows us to recognize the happenings in our lives as intentional opportunities to further our connection with ourselves and with Source.” This gem of a book is a must-have for anyone seeking the keys to life mastery, or simply wishing to make the most of amazing opportunities available to us in this world.

The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer is truly exceptional for its ability to simultaneously explain the nature of enlightenment while also providing simple, practical tools for attaining that exalted state. It lives up to its subtitle: “The Journey Beyond Yourself” by demonstrating how we are able to transcend worldly troubles by changing the way we view our lives. Just as we might notice that problems cannot be solved at the same level where they were created, there is great advantage in rising above the inner chatter and emotional storms to a peaceful, blissful state of mind we’ve all experienced… that can become our new core identity. The big idea here is that by identifying ourselves as being observers who watch thoughts and feelings flowing through, we can keep our hearts open to love even (and especially) during times of crisis. This simple sounding concept of separating the part of us who thinks and feels and acts from the part of ourself who sees ourselves thinking and feeling and acting becomes extraordinarily liberating. The proof of the efficacy of this concept is immediately verifiable by readers willing to roll up their sleeves and start feeling the burn of releasing energies from the past, by taking this book as a workbook, and not merely an intellectual sourcebook.

Anita Moorjani’s book, Dying to be Me, tells the real-life story of how Anita Moorjani died of cancer… and then came back to life after an amazing near-death experience in which she realized she could be well simply by dropping all her fears and simply being herself. I love the way Moorjani describes the feeling of pure unconditional divine love she felt–pure agape–and the sense of fearlessness and Oneness she experienced from a state of consciousness that allowed her to watch everything unfolding on Earth… as well as see what was transpiring in the emergency room where doctors were doing everything they could to save her malnourished, cancer-ravished body. This book doesn’t just tell a story about overcoming cancer–it’s really about attaining prosperity and abundance and blessings by letting go of fears and moving into a state of allowing as you are fully 100% yourself. This is a book you’ll likely want to get more than one copy of, so you can loan and give copies away… it’s that good!

One Mind by Dr. Larry Dossey presents us with a concept of unified consciousness on a level beyond anything we can comfortably label, categorize, or fully define. Dossey brilliantly tackles such a big topic from a number of different perspectives, so much like the parable of the blind men and the elephant, readers can glean fresh insights as to the entirety of One Mind a little at a time. What I love best about this book is the sense of joyful peace I feel in my mind and heart while reading it, as a sense of being at one with One Mind washes over me. This book is one best savored as one would enjoy a fine gourmet meal, but rather than delighting in visual presentation, fragrance, texture, taste and sound–relishing each new facet of oneness described.

If you’ve read this far and happen to be one of those people who love things that “go to eleven,” I’ve got a wonderful eleventh book recommendation for you! The idea of writing books with an intention to make a positive difference in the world is something near and dear to my heart as a writer, and I’m very proud of my newest book, Quantum Jumps: An Extraordinary Science of Happiness and Prosperity. I wrote this book to be a book about the science of miracles and mind-matter-interface that you can confidently give your family, neighbors, doctor, chiropractor, hairdresser and just about anyone in your life who’s willing to consider the possibility that consciousness changes the physical world, and gain the benefit from dozens of quick and easy “quantum jump” starts.

Love always, Cynthia Sue Larson email Cynthia at cynthia@realityshifters.com

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Quantum Jumping to Find True Love

Imagine that everything in your life has been a dream, and you are just waking up for the first time right now. Can you feel a jolt of energy as you look around your surroundings–with a fresh sense of wonder that in some way you are here for the first time?

This exercise is designed to improve mindful awareness. When you envision you are starting your life with a completely fresh beginning in this very moment… you can feel a heightened state of awareness regarding all the possibilities open to you right here, right now. Mindfulness is the key to appreciating the reality we’re currently in, as well as recognizing the direction we’re moving in, and the direction we’d most like to go.

HALT! Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?

Notice whether you’re feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (H.A.L.T.). If you are feeling any of these things, you must first take care of your basic needs. Just as grocery shoppers are advised not to go shopping on an empty stomach so as to not purchase impulse items that tend to be junk food rather that what’s best for us, all life changes you make will be better coming from a place of strength.

When you’ve halted for just a moment to ask, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired?” you can rise above relapsing into any old patterns you’d rather leave behind. Eat good food if you’re hungry. Get more sleep and rest if you’re tired. Exercise, write in a private journal, or talk with a trusted friend if you’re angry. Connect with others if you’re lonely.

Envision Seeing a Possible You with Your True Love

In a multiverse in which every single physical thing–including you–exists in a superposition of states, there are a multitude of options open to you right now. This means that amidst infinite possibilities, there is a you who has already found true love and is enjoying a healthy, respectful, loving relationship right now. This possible you knows the secret to how to find and keep true love, is enjoying the benefits of being in a wonderful relationship… and can help you find true love in your life.

You can envision meeting this possible you through entering a daydream or meditation state, imagining all the details of being in the presence of this possible you. Know that simply being in the presence of this possible you grants you access to feeling, knowing, and harmonizing your thoughts, emotions, and feelings with the state of being in a relationship based on true love. While you might be tempted to focus on the person your parallel self is in a relationship with, and that’s OK, make sure you pay special attention to the alternate you. Notice what that you is wearing, what that other you is saying, how that other you is behaving in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

As you see a possible you enjoying being in such a positive relationship, get the attention of that possible you, and ask to receive whatever it takes so you, too, can find and keep your true love in your life.

Make the Quantum Jump

When you come out of the meditation / daydream in which you saw and felt a possible you with your true love, take some time to write down what you noticed, if anything, that was different about how the possible you who’s found true love spoke, moved, and interacted.

Write down whatever you may have received from the other possible you who is already with their true love. If you got a sense of receiving feelings of confidence or being more relaxed, for example, describe what you felt. If you felt a sense of knowing you are intrinsically worthy of love, jot down everything that will later remind you of how that felt. If you heard your other parallel universes self tell you something, write it down. The idea here is to lock on to the sense of being at one with the feeling of experiencing true love.

Most of all, remember the feeling you get of being in such a loving relationship. Now that you’ve seen another possible you in an ideal relationship based on true love, know that this is attainable for you. You can also remind yourself of what true love relationships are all about by reading books, watching movies, and listening to songs that take you to that blissful, ecstatic state. By locking onto these new emotional / energetic coordinates, you are helping ensure this reality is on a bee-line straight to you.

The Honeymoon Effect

If you’ve had past relationships that were less than stellar, and doubt your ability to experience true love, I think you’ll love the wonderful new book by biologist, Bruce Lipton, The Honeymoon Effect: The Science of Creating Heaven on Earth. One of the things I love most about Bruce Lipton is the fearless way he shares intimate details about his life, with such joy and contagious zest for life that one feels one’s spirits lifting even when hearing tales of past traumatic events. What makes Lipton’s new book, “The Honeymoon Effect” such a treasure is how Lipton shares his passion for understanding the underlying biology of our interpersonal chemistry side-by-side with autobiographical accounts of what’s worked and what’s not worked in his relationships in the past.

Would you believe that the cascade of chemicals that drive love can be unleashed not just by falling in love with a person, but also by falling in love with a project or idea? Lipton assures us this is so, since “wherever there is passion, not far behind are the potent chemical brews that motivate us to pursue the objects of our desire.” As an author who once made the mistake of filling the bathtub while working on a chapter of my book, Karen Kimball and the Dream Weaver’s Web, this is something I definitely relate to.

As it turns out, the keys to living happily ever after with one’s true love are found within. Lipton explains through tales from his own relationship lessons in the past why it’s not enough to simply find the man or woman of our dreams. People subconsciously seek familiar patterns from the past, so unless we address underlying psychological issues in ourselves, relationships will only ever last until the initial bursts of love endorphins wear off.

Readers seeking a how-to book might want to dive into chapter four, “Four Minds Don’t Think Alike,” to get to the heart of weird ways we so often find our partner knows just how to push our buttons at the point we know ‘the honeymoon is over.’ Lipton explains that what is actually happening when the love of our life is no longer acting all that loving is that they are expressing their subconscious mind, with all of its programming instilled in us going all the way back to childhood… and before that, into the womb. Our subconscious mind soaked up a great deal of our environment in the form of cascades of chemicals running through our bodies, in such ways that sensitize us to particular repetitive patterns of emotional patterns around us. Fortunately, by becoming mindful, we can reprogram our subconscious mind, so we are compatible with the kind of partners we’d most like to live happily ever after with. Only through such reprogramming can we hope to break free of negative relationship patterns.

The Honeymoon Effect is an inspirational book containing a real-life successful love story, together with lots of recent research in the fields of biology and psychology… and some wonderful tips on how you can become more mindful and successful in love and life. Highly recommended!

Here’s my video summary of this topic:

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Thank you for reading this blog post! Chances are good that if you read and enjoyed this post, you’ll also enjoy my books, especially the one I wrote about mind-matter interaction that shares real world experiences, science and meditations to make jumps between parallel possible worlds: Reality Shifts: When Consciousness Changes the Physical World

Bridging Social Rifts with Moral Psychology

“Happiness comes from between. It comes from getting the right relationships between yourself and others, yourself and your work, and yourself and something larger than yourself.” – Jonathan Haidt, The Righteous Mind

While we often picture visions of holiday celebrations as joyous gatherings of family members sharing traditional food and festivities, the reality can be less happy and more stressful. One of the most stressful aspects for many people during the holidays has to do with getting together with family members with different political and/or religious views. There’s a reason we’ve been cautioned against talking about politics or religion with those holding different views, and it has to do with the way few such discussions end up very well. But why can’t we talk about some of the things we care so much about?

I recently read and thoroughly enjoyed reading Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion.Jonathan Haidt is a moral psychologist who gains insights into people’s true moral priorities based on uniquely disturbing surveys and questionnaires, designed to delve more deeply into an understanding of morality than has previously ever been done. Intentionally disturbing questions were asked in order to delve into matters that otherwise might not be obvious, such as why in certain cultures it is considered horrible for a widow to eat fish, for example.

The first truly big idea presented in Haidt’s book has to do with the way logic follows intuition in all humans, despite frequent assumptions that in actuality, we are being perfectly reasonable. Research studies show that humans lean in the direction of our gut feelings… our intuition… and once we start leaning one way or another, our busy rational minds get to work coming up with reasons this direction makes so much sense. This wouldn’t be much of a problem if we all tended to lean the same direction as one another, thus tending to generally agree, but it can present difficulties when individuals or groups of individuals all start leaning one way or another and sharing reasons for why that direction is better than others.

Haidt outlines something called Moral Foundations Theory in his book, in such a way that shows how people from different cultures around the world identify to varying degrees with several basic foundations of morality. These are a bit like tastes, so just as some people might have a “sweet tooth” and others prefer salty or sour, people also show preferences and varying degrees of identifying with the six basic foundational pillars of morality: Care/Harm, Fairness/Cheating, Liberty/Oppression, Loyalty/Betrayal, Authority/Subversion, and Sanctity/Degradation.

Intriguingly, these moral foundations illuminate similarities in viewpoints of members of groups who share concern about Care/Harm and Fairness/Cheating (Liberals)… and the study of moral psychology thus illuminates reasons great rifts can sometimes occur between Liberals who presume Conservatives do not share their same concerns with regard to Care/Harm and Fairness/Cheating, when studies show Conservatives do care about these things… in addition to all the other elements of moral foundation, and perhaps a bit less than some.

So how does a better knowledge of moral psychology help in healing social rifts, such as those we may find around the holiday dinner table this year? Learning how people have initial intuitive leanings and viewpoints about things as being good or bad so they subsequently create logical support for them can be extremely important, so you can respect how feelings are the primary driving force. Jonathan Haidt recommends that when we really want to understand someone from a different viewpoint or culture, we do well to listen with open hearts, following a sense of sacredness. This is excellent advice for deep listening in general, and listening truly is the best way to show respect to others, and bridge gaps between ourselves and others.

How good can it get when you feel inspired to learn about someone’s world view? Keep in mind that every person has a unique way of relating to others and something bigger than themselves… and feelings are at the center of these relationships. When you listen with love and respect to peoples’ views, you just might discover something amazing and wonderful about some of the deepest mysteries of life.

You can watch me discuss this topic on my YouTube video, Bridging Social Rifts with Moral Psychology… and please feel free to comment with your thoughts and ideas here on this blog and in the comments under the video. I’d love to know how you feel!

Love always,
Cynthia Sue Larson
email Cynthia at cynthia@realityshifters.com

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