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Why and How to Master the Art of Becoming Resilient

I am glad to see an article in The Atlantic titled The Benefits of Optimism Are Real summarizing recent research studies indicating that “resilient people are good at transforming negative feelings into positive ones.”  Resilient people excelled at bouncing back from stressful experiences, thanks to their emotional complexity and ability to involve a wider range of emotions, such that “high levels of positive emotions exist side-by-side with negative emotions.”  Resilient, optimistic people worry less, let go of negativity more readily, and more consistently shift their attention to the positive.

We find examples of adopting a resilient, positive attitude in the movies Life of Pi and Silver Linings Playbook, both of which include examples of adopting or moving into a position of greater emotional resilience, complexity, and optimism–without being delusional Pollyannas.  The main characters in both stories chose to focus on appreciating the blessings in their lives, while doing whatever (seemingly small things) they were able to do while facing challenging situations, instead of choosing to obsess on what’s unfair or upsetting.

Venting Doesn’t Help

You may have heard advice from people–including some experts–stating that it’s helpful to express your anger and anxiety in order to feel happier.  And you might notice some friends or family members who take every opportunity to describe what’s been troublesome for them recently in their lives.  Yet researchers are finding that any such rumination on worries, doubts, and fears tends to lead people who are already feeling depressed to become significantly more depressed (and for a longer period of time) than distracting oneself with something that’s either neutral or mostly positive.  One study even found that even venting by hitting a punching bag or being vengeful toward someone who makes you feel angry leads people to feel far worse, rather than better–and even doing nothing is better than venting in such ways.

Positive Emotions Heal

Researchers have found that positive emotions have a healing quality that have the power to reverse detrimental effects of stressful negative experiences.  Resilient people view unpleasant, stressful situations as challenges and opportunities for growth, rather than as threats–even when they are specifically directed to view challenges as threats.

Find Meaning:  Look for Ways to Improve

For the absolutely best results when finding oneself in difficult circumstances, we do well to ‘take lemons and make lemonade’–by seeking out a positive, productive goal to work toward.  People who find some kind of meaning amidst adversity by looking more deeply inside themselves to see what they can learn and how they can improve have also been found to experience health benefits above and beyond those who merely vent about hardships enjoy.

Master the Art of Becoming Resilient

We can create a positive upward spiral of good energy regardless what circumstances come our way, and regardless what is happening that is outside of our personal control.  We can learn to become more resilient by becoming aware of some positive steps for facing difficult situations:

(1) Recognize difficult situations as opportunities
As soon as grumbling, venting, and complaining begins, recognize that an opportunity has surely arrived, and also that this is the step we move as quickly as possible through for best results

(2) Describe why one of your most winning qualities is important
Regain emotional resilience in the face of any kind of rejection you might be feeling by identifying one of your most winning qualities, and then describing in detail (several sentences worth) why this quality is so important

(3) Set attainable yet challenging goals
Choose new goals that you know you can achieve, and you know will be good for you to achieve that now come to mind as you face difficult situations that you can now view as opportunities.

(4) Keep asking “How good can it get?!”
Regardless what is happening, maintain your commitment to keep moving ever onward and upward, by keeping the focus of your imagination and daydreams ever and always in the most positive possible directions.

 

You can watch the companion video to this blog post at:

 

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QuantumJumps300x150adCynthia Sue Larson is the best-selling author of six books, including Quantum Jumps. Cynthia has a degree in Physics from UC Berkeley, and discusses consciousness and quantum physics on numerous shows including the History Channel, Gaia TV, Coast to Coast AM, the BBC and One World with Deepak Chopra and on the Living the Quantum Dream show she hosts. You can subscribe to Cynthia’s free monthly ezine at: http://www.RealityShifters.com
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Practice Compassion in a Chaotic World with NVC

Thanks to the internet and all our various portable, interconnected devices, we can now be in nearly constant communication with people near and far.  Such communication can be nurturing, empowering and inspirational–but at times it can also feel like being part of a disfunctional, dissociated family with all manner of divisions, schisms, and negative emotions swirling around.  The resulting severed relationships can erupt in many types of violence, sometimes with truly heartbreaking results.

One of the ways we can experience more positive attributes of our newfound interconnectedness and fewer unpleasant aspects is by practicing and embodying compassion in our daily lives with everyone we converse with.  With each of us doing the best we personally can to envision and take steps into creating a more compassionate, nonviolent world, this dream can become a reality.

How can we achieve such a dream, you may ask?  Fortunately, there are tools we can learn to use to bring nonviolent communication (NVC), also called compassionate communication or collaborative communication, into our lives.  Marshall Rosenberg formed NVC theory based on the foundational idea that we all are capable of expressing compassion, and that we learn habits of thinking and speaking and behaving based on what we learn in our families, social groups, and culture.  NVC theory describes that conflicts arise when peoples various strategies for how they meet their various needs clash with one another–and NVC then provides tools by which people can identify shared needs and collaborate to create ways to meet those needs.  NVC thus can facilitate harmony and learning how to create future cooperation on levels of self, self-with-others, and within social systems and groups.

Non Violent Communication (NVC)

Since it was first developed in the 1960s, Nonviolent communication has proven tremendously helpful in reducing conflict within individuals, within families, within organizations and between warring countries and in conflict zones.

NVC was first formally taught in 1972 with a model based on three steps that included:  observations, feelings, and action-oriented wants.  By 1992, an fourth aspect was included, so NVC now includes:  observations, feelings, needs, and requests.  The most recent evolution of the NVC model places more emphasis on this model being a process, where primary focus and emphasis is placed on an NVC practitioner’s intentions when communicating, rather than the four steps themselves.  Through such shifted emphasis on intentions, the focus becomes more about fostering meaningful relationships, rather than just getting what one wants–and on extending heartfelt, respectful attentiveness to others, rather than thinking about what one will say in response.  Keeping in mind that the four steps are meant to provide a guideline, and that the main key is to embody the qualities of compassion in oneself, while either clearly expressing how you are without blaming or criticizing or empathically receiving how another person is without hearing blame or criticism, here they are:

(1) Observations

State what you directly observe that seems counter to your wellbeing (and empathically receive what another shares that they directly observe):  “When I (see / hear) … ”

2) Feelings

State how you feel (emotions and sensations–not thoughts) in relation to what’s observed (and empathically receive what another shares that they feel):  ” … I feel … ”

(3) Needs

State what you need or value (not a preference or action) that generates your feelings (and empathically receive what another needs and values):  “… because I need/value …”

(4) Requests

Clearly request what concrete actions you’d like taken, without demanding (and empathically receive what actions another would like taken):  “Would you be willing to … ?”

NVC in the Internet Age

At this time when face-to-face interactions now represent an ever-declining percentage of the time we spend interacting with others, we face a challenge of how to develop inner peace within ourselves and then effectively share that peace with the rest of the world.  When we remember that written words can carry inadvertent emotional “tones,” we can do a better job of making an extra effort to indicate, for example, that we intend a certain remark to be humorous, rather than taken offensively as a sarcastically negative, or snarky, remark.

When it comes to internet and social media communications, it’s not so important to stress about whether or not you did or said something right–but the main thing to focus on is practicing ever-deepening compassion with yourself, and with others.  Yes, this can be viewed as a form of spiritual practice, or of self-improvement.  While every sentient being has some knowledge of itself, the greatest heights of consciousness and self-consciousness come from self-reflection.  Such self-reflection starts with awareness of that which one may be less than proud–yet inevitably leads past those ‘darker’ areas into the light.

It may help to know you’re not alone in adopting a more compassionate way of living with yourself, with others, and with the world; there is a growing community of those of us dedicated toward living within ourselves in a state of unconditional love, and doing our best to share this expansive unconditional love with everyone in our lives.

You can watch the companion video to this blog post at:

 

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QuantumJumps300x150adCynthia Sue Larson is the best-selling author of six books, including Quantum Jumps. Cynthia has a degree in Physics from UC Berkeley, and discusses consciousness and quantum physics on numerous shows including the History Channel, Gaia TV, Coast to Coast AM, the BBC and One World with Deepak Chopra and on the Living the Quantum Dream show she hosts. You can subscribe to Cynthia’s free monthly ezine at: http://www.RealityShifters.com
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Cynthia Sue Larson Interviews Frank Moffatt

Frank Moffatt

Frank Moffatt in Bangkok

Have you ever wondered why some people age gracefully, seeming like they look pretty much the same now as decades earlier, while staying actively engaged in fun activities, learning new things, and staying active… and other people slip into steady decline?

If you have noticed this and wondered, “What’s up with that?”  you’ll love hearing about Frank Moffatt and his new documentary film! You could say that Frank Moffatt is a man with a mission to change the world, but that would be missing the point that simply listening to his message has the power to completely transform our lives. When I heard from Frank that he’s raising funds through an Indiegogo campaign for a new documentary movie, I was intrigued. Your Second Fifty: Rising Above the Myths of Aging is a movie designed to implement change in all who see it. Consider these facts:

By 2015, those aged 50 and older will represent 45% of the U.S. population (source: AARP). Of that 45%, many will have been subjected to limiting beliefs and myths that will unfortunately restrict them from reaching their true potential — mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. The good news is that with proper education and guidance, these limiting beliefs and myths can be eradicated — and a fresh new outlook and approach can be established within one’s daily life.

I’m thrilled to know this movie is in the works, and honored to share some special insights from Frank Moffatt in this interview. And I hope that if you find this topic as exciting as I do, you’ll support the Your Second Fifty: Rising Above the Myths of Aging Indiegogo campaignand share this post with friends and family!
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Naomi-Judd-Sneak-PeekCYNTHIA: I’m thrilled to talk with you about your new documentary film, “Your Second Fifty,” since its message that many common beliefs about aging are untrue is a big idea that also came to my attention when I was researching and writing my most recent book, Quantum Jumps. I was stunned to learn that long-term scientific studies have shown that one of the best predictors of long, healthy lives are peoples’ biases and prejudices about the elderly. When I give talks about the science covered in Quantum Jumps, I often make the point that “If you take just one idea away from this entire presentation, improve your stereotypes about the elderly! You can improve both your longevity, and your quality of life.”  What inspired you to create a movie about these ideas at this time?

FRANK: First off I’m excited to read your book! We really have no idea of our potential and capability, especially in our second fifty. But to answer your question, I wanted to make the documentary because we are an impulsive society and people would rather sit and watch this film for an hour than sit and read a book for 6 or 7 hours. So the real question would be, what inspired me to write the book? After observing people over 50 for a year or so I was struck by the fact that some people were full of life, while others were full of death and the answer boiled down to their beliefs about aging – so I took on the task to debunk the myths and limiting beliefs of aging!

Dr AmenCYNTHIA: I agree with you that many people these days would rather see a movie or hear an audiobook than read a book, and I’ve been creating YouTube videos and audiobook editions of my books to meet this growing demand. I’ve also seen exactly what you’re describing regarding people around age 50 who either seem to be thriving or declining, with evident differences in ease of movement, involvement in learning and creative pursuits, and zest for life. I’ve also gotten the feeling we’re not doomed at age 50 to be “over the hill,” but actually can truly thrive. Have you personally experienced turning around a limiting belief about aging in your life, and if so, would you tell us about it?

FRANK: When I was a kid I suffered from asthma, and while I played sports, I was always missing parts of seasons because my lungs couldn’t handle the training. When I was 52, I decided I was going to run a marathon. I was over weight and hadn’t done any exercise in years. I began slowly, just walking one or two kilometers. Three months in, I was up to a ten K run, and 6 months later I finished the Bangkok Marathon – 42 K in just over 4 hours. I didn’t need to win the race, I just needed to change my belief from I couldn’t run – to I can run – I will run and I will finish what I started.

CYNTHIA: Wow, what an inspirational experience! I’d not heard of the Bangkok Marathon before, and I’m truly impressed that you reached a point at age 52 where you noticed you’d gained weight and weren’t exercising, and so you looked around to find what could motivate you to become more physically active. I’m sure your ability to set an athletic goal for yourself must have been made a bit easier thanks to your having played sports earlier in life. What advice would you give someone in their second fifty years who wants to get more exercise but hasn’t played sports?

FRANK: When we started to make the documentary, I seriously thought I needed to interview one of the worlds top fitness guru’s, but over time I’ve realized that it’s not about having the body of a Greek goddess. It’s about being fit from the inside out. Going for a 30 minute walk each day not only improves your fitness level, but it’s beneficial, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and when we are more fit in those four areas of our life, we’ll attract more opportunities financially. But there are three other areas of physical wellbeing we need to consider:

1) Flexibility – a little stretching daily will pay incredible dividend down the road in our 80’s, 90’s and more and more likely our 100’s,

2) Resistance training – we need to keep our muscle in shape to support our physical structure so our later years are positive and product and

3) What we eat – as we get older the metabolism slows down because we slow down, so eat more fresh, raw foods and most importantly eat less–and that’s hard to do if we’re sitting on a couch.

CYNTHIA: I love the way these are simple things most people can do by making small adjustments to daily life. I can also reassure people that your advice is quite sound, as it’s coincidentally what I’ve been doing for the past 15 years since I took up practicing martial arts when I approached the age of 40. I’m doing the flexibility and resistance training as part of my Kuk Sool Won practice, and being much more mindful of what I eat, and I look and feel so much healthier now than I was 15 years ago. These tips are pretty well-known, but I understand your movie, “Your Second Fifty” does some pretty serious myth-busting concerning typical ideas most people have about aging. Could you share with us one of those myths you address?

FRANK: Honestly that’s the great part about the documentary and the sad thing when you take a minute to consider just how many limiting beliefs impact us after 50. And even when we’re aware of these limiting beliefs, we have no idea how to address them and remove them. But you wanted one, so let’s consider memory loss. We had the opportunity to interview Dr. Daniel Amen, possibly North America’s leading expert pertaining to the Mental Dimension. Without giving away all the goods here, he alluded to the fact that memory loss can be caused from a number of things–none of which were age-related. Having received a head injury as a young child that had gone unattended, or an inactive life style, both mentally and physically are far more likely to be key determining factors for memory loss in people over 50.

CYNTHIA: So if I understand you correctly, there’s no need for people to assume we’re all headed for dementia as we pass the ages of 50, 60, 70, and 80… nor is there any reason to presume we’ll necessarily be less active or less physically fit in our second fifty years of life. And hopefully, good results are obtainable in terms of improved quality and quantity of life without needing to spend a fortune, right?

FRANK: Well, let’s adjust that a bit – there is no need to assume we’re all headed for dementia – IF – we make the changes. If we don’t, then we’re rolling the dice, because the majority of people have sustained some form of head injury, or currently maintain a sedentary lifestyle. You just have to know what to do to make the changes! As far as fitness goes, one of the gentlemen we interviewed was Werner Berger. Last year, Werner climbed the highest peaks on all 7 continents (which by the way included Mt. Everest). Werner is 76 years of age. It’s also important to state that at age 59, Werner decided to climb mountains, so he is no different than anyone reading this article. That’s what makes this documentary so important – it will change the way we have been programmed to age. It may be the best investment anyone can make with regard to their longevity and wellbeing. Life is best served when we challenge ourself to be the best we can be, and give up competing with others.

CYNTHIA: Based on what I’m hearing from you about your new documentary, “Your Second Fifty,” and what I’ve learned from the latest research, I’m thrilled that you’re making this movie, and so glad that there will be such an inspirational film people can sit down and watch that has the power to so thoroughly improve peoples’ lives. If people are interested in finding out more about the movie, what’s the best web page for them to learn more?

FRANK: Thanks Cynthia! Our website is www.yoursecondfiftydocumentary.com. If people wish to secure a streaming of the documentary they can go to our Indiegogo campaign and select Perk #2 and for that $5 give themselves every chance to live their remaining years healthy and happy – one less fancy coffee and they’ll change their life forever. https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/your-second-fifty-documentary–2 Our planned premier with be held in Los Angeles November 15th. Thank you and keep smiling!

CYNTHIA: Thank you, Frank! I so appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions and share so much valuable, life-changing information with us today!

 

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Quantum Jumping Makeover: Act Like and Become a Better You

CSL2014jan7 “Act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you’d like to act.” – Bob Dylan

What would you say if someone were to tell you that your sense of self is constructed, and is just a story? Many of us tend to assume that who we are–our sense of self–is something stable and reliably secure, so there is naturally a good deal of resistance to the notion that who we think we are might be nothing more than some kind of fabricated narrative. Yet some reputable psychologists, including Bruce Hood from the University of Bristol, insist this is exactly the case. Interviewed recently by a reporter for Wired magazine to talk about his new book, The Self Illusion, Hood states,

“My hypothesis is the subject as multiplicity.”

Multiplicity is becoming one of the big ideas of our times, as the notion that our reality is a holographic multiverse has recently gained significant support from a number of different scientific findings. The idea that we exist in an interconnected multitude of parallel realities is one I describe in detail in my new book, Quantum Jumps, which explains how to move from one reality to another. The more open we are to seeing our lives as being the stories we tell ourselves and one another about who we are, the easier it can be to become kinder, stronger, smarter, more resilient, more confident, and healthier. There are lots of ways we can take some baby jumps in these directions, and lots more ways to enjoy life when we do!

Quantum Jumps Quantum Jumps

We sometimes witness how self can be based on constructed narrative when observing public reinventions of celebrities such as: rapper and fashion model-turned-actor, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Madonna, David Bowie, and Neil Patrick Harris. Some performers make changes in order to catch and hold the public interest, yet some of these transformations have a lot to do with making a conscious transition from one way of being in service to another, such as what Levar Burton did when moving on from playing young Kunta Kinte in Roots to Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge in Star Trek: The Next Generation to the host and executive producer of Reading Rainbow. A good part of personal transformation comes from how we perceive ourselves to be based on social interaction. When Bill Moyers asked mythology expert Joseph Campbell in an interview in The Power of Myth how he had personally benefited from his study of mythology, Joseph Campbell replied that one of the ways the study of myth and tradition has helped him in his personal life was based on, 

“The tradition in India, for instance, of actually changing your whole way of dress, even changing your name, as you pass from one stage to another.”

An ancient technique of name healing which has been practiced in China for thousands of years, and is still being practiced today is described in Quantum Jumps. A description of this practice is based on the wonderful research of authors Gary Lee and Nicholoas Tapp in their study of the Hmong. The concept of name healing is based in the idea that when an infant or young child becomes dangerously sick or ill, there is a chance that by renaming the child, he or she can become well again. From a quantum jumping point of view, you might say that the entire family and village join in re-envisioning the young person as someone fresh and new–as someone who is perfectly healthy and well.

In my life so far, I have made big transitions that included name and appearance changes. The first was in the 1980s when I got married, cut my hair short and wore business suits that consisted of jacket, skirt, blouse and silk bow tie. This was the perfect look for business, and with this combination of my new married name and a whole new business wardrobe, I felt like the Fortune 500 MBA project manager I considered myself to be.

Something I learned when moving to Lausanne, Switzerland when I was a new mother in the 1990s was that one of the best things about new beginnings is the opportunity to reinvent myself and enjoy a completely fresh start. I had been employed in the corporate world for the past seven years before making this big move, and I was overjoyed to discover that in a whole new city, canton, and country it really is possible to reinvent oneself. I had so much fun dressing like a European, shopping and traveling without a car, and thinking differently in ways both large and small. Wearing a minidress was considered perfectly respectable, and enjoyed a sense of freedom to show the world a whole new side of me that I had never previously been able to feel comfortable sharing before.

I made my third big name and appearance change in the 2000s, after my daughters were born and after I got divorced, when my literary agent encouraged me to change my name from “Cindy Sue.” My literary agent pointed out my name had just a bit too much of a hillbilly sound to it, as she asked imploringly, “Are you known by any other name?” She was relieved to hear that my name is “Cynthia Sue,” and that is the name accompanying this up-and-coming author, as I grew my hair out and started wearing long batik dresses when not wearing jeans.

Yet another name and appearance transformation I’ve enjoyed over the past fifteen years is involved with practicing martial arts, which comes with rank, title and a uniform. Engaging in martial arts provides me with benefits from yet another facet of my total self.

Much of the joy I feel when making transformative changes at times of life transition comes from the fun of getting to be and do something different that I truly wish to experience. I wanted to be a business manager, a stay-at-home mom, an author, a martial artist, and I became all these things. I have come to realize that each of us is capable of doing a great deal more than we typically realize, and sometimes all we need to get started is taking the first few steps. As a spiritual life coach, I especially enjoy helping people treasure these kinds of transformative changes in their lives!

Love always, Cynthia Sue Larson

email Cynthia at cynthia@realityshifters.com

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The Top Five Ways that Reality Shifts

Reality ShiftsOur thoughts and feelings change reality around us every minute of every day. Most of us notice that time doesn’t always move in steady, sequential fashion… that sometimes it seems much slower or faster than usual, or like it has stopped altogether. Many of us usually get parking spots when and where we need them, find that traffic lights turn green at just the right times, and that friends will phone or write when we think of them.

These wonderful synchronicities happen when we’re feeling energized and flowing with the feeling of love, whereas we tend to notice more chaotic shifts in reality (in which our keys or purse or coat seem to move around by themselves) on days when we’re feeling emotionally high-strung and discordant. At times like that it’s easy to feel that

“my possessions are causing me suspicion, but there’s no proof”,

as in the song “Don’t Dream It’s Over” by Crowded House!

You don’t have to have ghosts in the house in order for reality to shift around you! Current research in the field of distant healing (or intercessory prayer) is scientifically validating the theory that our thoughts and feelings have non-local effects in the world around us. Two medical journals published articles on their double-blind studies of distant healing, with statistically significant findings that sick people get better when prayed for (December 1998 Western Journal of Medicine, October 1999 Southern Medical Journal), and Scientific American’s April 2000 issue sported a cover image of quantum teleportation machine! We’ve come a long ways from the days when non-classical behavior of quantum particles was dubbed, “spooky action at a distance” by Albert Einstein, and tomorrow’s technology (such as quantum computers) will be counting on what was considered to be quantum weirdness just yesterday.

Reality Shifts: When Consciousness Changes the Physical World

Reality Shifts: When Consciousness Changes the Physical World

When we consider the entire range of reality shifts from the “Shift Happens” variety (where that missing sock never comes out of the dryer) all the way to conscious reality shifting, we discover a wonderful smorgasbord of changes that we can create in and around ourselves. Don’t worry if you read through these examples and don’t feel that any of these things have happened to you — if you want to experience them and start paying attention to the possibility that these things can happen, you’ll be more likely to notice them in the future.

Here are the top five types of reality shifts (given in no particular order), with some examples listed for each type:

(1) Appearances
Groceries in the cupboards and refrigerator, letters in the mail (or mail arriving more than once in a given day), a book (or record or clothing or toy) arrives in a store that didn’t have it just a moment ago, a friend shows up or writes or phones who you were just thinking of.

(2) Disappearances 
A car vanishes in the road ahead of you or in the spot you need to park in, traffic clears up ahead of you (when moments earlier a traffic jam was imminent), household or personal items vanish without a trace for no apparent reason.

(3) Transportations
Things thought to be lost years ago arrive unexpectedly in mysterious ways, something needed from a distant location arrives without explanation or any apparent means of delivery, objects move back and forth between friends’ houses without anyone carrying them there, keys and coats and glasses and wallets move around inside our homes with nobody moving them.

(4) Transformations 
Cancerous tissues become well again, cuts and bruises and burns vanish, hair that was straight becomes curly, spontaneous remission of cancer, coming out of a coma, facial features change, traffic lights suddenly become green when they were in the process of turning yellow.

(5) Changes in Time
Time slows down, stops altogether, or speeds up… or there is a communication across time. Read my articles I Felt Time Slow to a Stop and Time Travel Reality Shift for some real-life examples of this.

Love always,
Cynthia Sue Larson
email Cynthia at cynthia@realityshifters.com

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Quantum Jump into Better Relationships

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One of the most wonderfully imaginable ways to visualize an improved world is one in which relationships with others are more supportive and positive. While we might assume there’s nothing much we can do to improve the chemistry or attraction we feel for others, researchers have recently proven this is not the case. Studies show there is a lot we can do to improve how close we feel to others and how positively they feel about us.

Finding True Love in a Telepathy Experiment

When Julie Beischel signed up to participate in a telepathy experiment, the last thing she expected was to fall in love. Beischel was in a room by herself, unable to see her experimental partner, Mark Boccuzzi. Boccuzzi’s instructions were simply to gaze at Julie intently on a closed circuit screen that intermittently showed her (live) image. Intriguingly, the data showed Julie’s physiological responses every time Mark could see her, with noticeable spikes at the exact moments her image was taken away–as if her body was saying, “Oh, where did he go?” Julie said. At the time, Julie didn’t immediately tell Mark about the powerful connections she’d felt to him, since after all, they were strangers. Now married, Julie and Mark credit telepathy for helping them meet and fall in love. “It was like nothing I had ever encountered,” Julie said.

Improve Relationships by Acting Close

University of Hertfordshire psychology professor Richard Wiseman may have begun his working life as a professional magician, but no amount of magic books could explain the amazing results he got when he conducted an experiment with a hundred speed-daters in Edinburgh, Scotland. Wiseman separated the speed-daters into two groups: one which conducted the speed-dating activities as usual, and the other with special instructions for couples to pretend they were already intimately acquainted. These couples were instructed to hold hands, share secrets, and gaze into each others’ eyes.

At the end of the study when all the speed-daters were asked how close they felt to their partners, and how many of them would like to see their partners again, only about 20% of the conventional daters indicated a desire to reconnect, compared with 45% in the pretending-to-be-intimate group. Wiseman explains,

“The assumption was that the emotion leads to the action or behavior but this shows it can happen the other way around, action can lead to emotions. Behaving like you are in love can lead to actually falling in love.”

Wiseman adds,

“Actions are the quickest, easiest, and most powerful way to instantly change how you think and feel.” 

University of California at San Diego psychology professor, Dr. Robert Epstein, conducted similar exercises, asking couples of students to participate in what he called “soul gazing” — looking deeply into each other’s eyes. Epstein found a 7% increase in loving, an 11% increase in liking, and a 45% increase in closeness…. with 89% of participants reporting the exercise increased feelings of intimacy.

Epstein’s love-building exercises include embracing each other gently while sensing and synchronizing breathing, placing the palm of your hand as close to your partner’s palm without actually touching for several minutes (in which you might not only feel heat, but surprisingly also some sparks), write down secrets and discuss them, fall backward into the arms of your partner, mirror each others’ movements, and try a mind-reading game.

Taking action to become closer to loved ones is not inauthentic, explains Dr. Epstein. It’s something we can actively do to improve our relationships, rather than passively accepting the status quo.

“The students in my course were doing something new–taking control over their love lives. We grow up on fairy tales and movies in which magical forces help people find their soul mates, with whom they effortlessly live happily ever after.” 

The fact that we can increase closeness by acting close in relationships is wonderful news for both old and new relationships. The findings from these studies give credence to the advice of our parents and grandparents who impressed upon us the importance of good social manners. When we make eye contact, shake hands, and inquire how others are doing rather than only talk about ourselves, we’re well on our way to becoming a bit closer to people we might otherwise not care nearly so much about.

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Quantum JumpsIntrigued by this subject? Learn more in Cynthia’s best-selling book, Quantum Jumps, that share ideas designed to help people experience improvements in relationships. Quantum Jumps presents a radical new paradigm: that we exist in an interconnected holographic multiverse in which we literally jump from one parallel universe to another. In a moment you can be: smarter, happier, in better relationships, more outgoing, more effective, more confident, with more willpower. Supported by scientific research, Quantum Jumps is an inspirational book backed with practical tools that help you live your best, most prosperous life. 

Here’s the video summary of this blog post:

Love always,
Cynthia Sue Larson
email Cynthia at cynthia@realityshifters.com

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How to Choose and Benefit from a Spiritual Life Coach

CSL2013dec2I feel very blessed and fortunate that I had the benefit of a spiritual life coach in all the years of my life while I was growing up, though at the time I probably would not have called her that. The person I trusted to share uplifting, life-affirming insights and ideas that helped me feel connected to the Divine was my grandmother, who I called “Mor Mor,” meaning “mother’s mother” in Swedish.

What Spiritual Life Coaches Do

Imagine being able to say anything without being judged, where you feel accepted and safely wrapped in love. In such a supportive environment, you can break free from fears–both spoken and unspoken–that may have been holding you back for years, and start to see an expanded horizon of possibilities from which to choose.

A good Spiritual Life Coach helps you feel positive emotions from connecting with the unseen animating power that brings meaning and inspiration to your life, discovering a deeper sense of who you truly are, and a clearer sense of what you need most at this time in your life. You can gain a sense of empowerment and passion from living your daily life according to your unique path of personal and spiritual growth, without judging you based on attributes such as age, gender, race, or religious affiliation.

A good Spiritual Life Coach guides you to feel fully engaged in life and in positive service in the world, recognizing ongoing communications between you and the universe happening each moment of every day. It’s wonderfully exciting to explore your most beneficial options in a multiverse of infinite possibility, with supportive guidance each step of the way!


What to Look for When Choosing the Right Spiritual Life Coach for You

Because working with a Spiritual Life Coach can be such an intensely personal experience, it’s essential to select someone you feel safe with, whom you can trust. You can view a selection of Spiritual Life Coaches rather quickly by conducting an internet search for the search term, “Spiritual Life Coach,” in order to find websites with informational pages. Once you’ve screened potential Spiritual Life Coaches for all requirements you feel are mandatory, measurable and realistic, it’s time to evaluate how you would rate the Spiritual Life Coaches you’re considering according to the following considerations:

* Experience – How many years of experience does each coach have in Spiritual Life Coaching? While it’s true that Spiritual Life Coaches can be quite good right from the start, there are benefits from working with Spiritual Life Coaches who’ve been working with a wide variety of clients for many years, and who have a correspondingly large number of tools in their Spiritual Life Coaching toolkit to help people with. While some spiritual coaching certification programs exist, excellent coaches don’t automatically spring forth by passing such programs.

Testimonials – How many testimonials for each Spiritual Life Coach resonate for you? While not everyone writes testimonials for Spiritual Life Coaches, it’s safe to assume that for each person who does write glowing words of praise there are many others who feel similarly. You can often learn quite a lot about prospective coaches based on how others appreciate them.

Philosophy – How harmoniously does each coach’s philosophy match yours? Because it’s so helpful to work with a Spiritual Life Coach you can trust, it’s a good idea to find one whose philosophy is similar enough to yours that you feel comfortable. Look for Spiritual Life Coaches who specifically state their philosophy, background and beliefs, and pay attention to whether or not each one is open-minded with regard to assisting those from different religious and spiritual paths.

Methodology – How do each coach’s stated methodologies resonate for you? Some of the most experienced Spiritual Life Coaches have a large variety of possible ways to work with clients, whereas newer Spiritual Life Coaches might have just a few. It’s a good idea to find out what a typical session includes, and what kinds of methodologies are typically employed. While trademarked special processes sound flashy, the best coaches understand that their value comes from the very simple–yet powerful–connection that each of us has to the Divine.

Freedom – What commitments or conditions are required by each coach of their clientele? While most people benefit from continuing Spiritual Life Coaching for a minimum of several months, and preferably several years, beware of coaches who require that you work exclusively with them. Ideally, you should always be free to continue or discontinue working with a Spiritual Life Coach whenever you feel inspired to do, as well as free to work with other advisors as you deem to be best for you.

Availability – How will you communicate with your Spiritual Life Coach? Thanks to telephones and the internet, it’s now possible to work with a Spiritual Life Coach from anywhere in the world. If you feel most comfortable working with someone in person, then look for recommended coaches living in your immediate area. The majority of clients for most Spiritual Life Coaches practicing today are through telephone and Skype connections, and these sessions can be every bit as powerful and productive as the in-person kind.

• Price – How clearly are coaching prices stated, and how affordable are they for you?


How to Prepare for Your Spiritual Life Coaching Session

Spiritual Life Coaching can bring you substantially greater insights and rewards if you do a couple of simple things to prepare yourself prior to each session.

• Initial Status – Take a few minutes to write down the areas you’d most like to see transformed, along with whatever roadblocks or obstructions currently appear to be in the way.  Such a pre-session initial status report serves to remind you of your commitment to gaining a clearer sense of who you are and what you most need in life, and later can provide you with a record of how you are transforming and growing.

• Meditate – Meditate for between five to thirty minutes immediately prior to your coaching session. Breathe deeply and fully to your lower abdomen, while relaxing your muscles and clearing your mind.


You can see my video blog post on Spiritual Life Coaching at: http://youtu.be/HS2RZMjosT8

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Thank you for reading and sharing this blog post! Chances are good that if you liked this post, you’ll also enjoy my books, especially Reality Shifts: When Consciousness Changes the Physical World

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